Hello all,
I thought I’d share a little bit about the theme of letting go of past identities – so this is a reflective post about my journey with creativity and music, and a sort-of summarisation of what nudged me towards this path of exploring the holistic world, spirituality and teaching.
This piece reflects the brighter, often unseen side of losing sight. While limitations are often projected onto those with health conditions, I choose to break through and focus on the gifts that come with sight loss which i believe is the invitation to see in different ways, to embrace change with authenticity, and to find purpose beyond what was once familiar.
To summarise as best as I can… I stopped creating music about 4 years ago – life had other plans. I deeply missed it – especially getting into studios with my band members (Kieran, Dan, and Rhys) and creating magic with them. Also, I can’t forget my dedicated photographer Andy (@bigbearphotography), who also supported me and us at every gig we did right from the start – our first gig was at The Brunswick in Brighton. We headlined Disability Pride Festival, and went on to perform at renowned stages around Brighton and Sussex like The Forum in Tunbridge Wells, Concorde 2 & The Old Market in Brighton to name a few – It was a real high and I adored it all!
But I couldn’t quite harmonise my relationship with music, and it seemed to take me to dark places that I didn’t wan’t to keep repeating anymore (within my lyrics and within recording and performance settings). Although the initial process of writing was releasing for me, it soon turned into something repetitive and debilitating.
My songs about depression became fan favourites, which meant I was repeatedly performing and recording them and therefore, unknowingly keeping myself stuck in those same emotional states. The style I was drawn to resonated deeply with me at the time, but I didn’t realise how much these “dark genres” would affect my psyche as a highly sensitive person, which is a term used to describe people whose nervous systems are more finely tuned to subtleties, making them more deeply affected by emotions, energy, and sensory input.
After the band came to an end, I tried to dive into projects with others and I also continued for a little bit to do it solo, but it never quite felt right as it did with the original band I had worked so hard to put together – HAVVA.
To close this chapter fully, I decided to upload my old band’s recordings to SoundCloud. I had found them sitting on my hard drive, waiting to be released. Listening back, I can hear how the songs reflected a time when I was deeply immersed in sadness, which is a state I now understand I was unconsciously recycling.
The science of this is fascinating: as Dr. Joe Dispenza explains, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” When we repeat certain thoughts, lyrics, and emotional states, our brains strengthen those neural pathways. In music, the words and feelings we repeatedly sing or listen to act like a loop, which then reinforces the state that created them. In my case, I was amplifying low-frequency emotions, unknowingly teaching my mind and body that this was “home” through the type of music I was writing, listening to and working with,
This is why it’s important to be conscious of what we write, sing, and say. Our art is powerful – it shapes not only our own inner world but also the energy we contribute to the collective. And when we constantly associate creativity with pain, we risk normalising the idea that suffering is the only way to create it.
That said, I am still proud of those creations and the friends who made them with me. The tracks were raw and authentic. One person described them as “Kate Bush crossed with Portishead vibes”, while another said after a performance, “I feel like I’ve just had an exorcism… it was like watching Amy Winehouse on acid.”
That comment especially reminded me of the gravitas of music and the immense power it has to move people.
Following this chapter, every time I’d sit at my piano or pick up my guitar or try to write, my whole body would be repelled by it. Depression, sight loss and fibromyalgia took me in it’s full swing after finishing university and other hardships I faced at the time (in my early 20’s) and I ended up having to say goodbye to my love for music whilst I set out on a disciplined and committed journey to recover from severe depression.
At 21, I placed my healing in the hands of psychiatrists, but sadly, their advice led to my hospitalisation for a few days after a horrid breakdown. Note: Coming off prescription drugs too quickly is dangerous. We often trust those with doctorates and qualifications, but stopping medication abruptly can put enormous strain and stress on the body and mind.
Turning point
Following this breakdown, I was being drawn into the world of hollism and holistic healing. And this was a real turning point for me, where I gradually (over several months with extensive support from my counsellor David) came off all prescription drugs and swapped them for herbs, breath work, yoga and other alternative therapies that were non – invasive and natural.
The best part of making these choices were that I started feeling again. I started feeling the spectrum of emotions that were once and for many years numbed by western medication. With the simplest practice of breath work, I worked to re – wire my neural pathways to re – teach my brain that I was in control of myself, rather than the flawed mental health systems and their ‘treatments’ controlling me.
This perspective shift became a real pivotal moment in my journey.
I started seeing in ways that I had not seen before (metaphorically speaking) – let’s not forget, I’m also blind! 😀
And really, It seemed like I was being guided to something greater than what I was feeling, writing, singing or expressing.
It wasn’t easy, or pretty, but I trusted the process.
And so I followed this calling I had within me, and little did I know that the most simple things I’d implemented in my life would not only help transform me, but also help many others too.
I went on to train as a yoga teacher, specialising in trauma, recovery, stress and burnout, with a deep interest in Somatics. I studied and became a reiki practitioner and a sound practitioner too. Off the back of facing discrimination in the workplace and in daily life, I studied Equality, Diversity, and Inclusion and now give public speeches in government buuildings to all sorts of people working in higher authorities. I’ve continued to post informative content on my youtube channel. I also have been learning lots on psychology, philosophy, critical thinking, neuroplasticity, and nature. I wake up excited, everyday to learn something new about ‘plant forward’ cooking, rewilding, animals, veganism and more in hope to expand my knowledge on various subjects to be better equipped to know how to write, take action and raise awareness about them.
By no means do i have life sorted, but I’m much happier now and at peace with my journey and it’s only been a small number of years – I am now 27.
But to experience these chapters, this meant having to give up how I expressed pain through music as a career.
“Sometimes we have to let go of what we once believed was our purpose, in order to create space for new trajectories to unfold. In doing so, we allow ourselves to re-evaluate our truths and discover deeper layers of meaning.”
*Letting go does not mean our efforts and investments of energy and time were wasted – they live within us, ready to be reused, reshaped, and implemented when we least expect it.
All too often, I see individuals stay in roles that no longer serve them, holding on because of what they’ve already given. But life is fluid. Feelings shift, perspectives evolve, and nothing remains fixed forever. In the natural flux and flow of our lives, it is not loss, but transformation. What once was can become the foundation for what’s yet to come.
I invite you to sit with these thoughts and consider asking yourself:
Am I still aligned with this path that I’m on? And if not, what is it that is keeping me from moving on?
Do i need to pause to reflect and is a break needed?
Is my soul being called to explore other paths?
What have I been curious to explore for a while that I haven’t done?
Am I rested enough to decide what is serving me and others with whatever path I’m on now?
This post really marks the end of a mental script for me that felt so deeply ingrained in my cells. It takes a lot of work to allow surfacing of buried states that I’d become so attached to. But it wasn’t and isn’t impossible to move on from what had once been.
I am now immersing myself in exploring other outlets to channel powerful states and emotions that come with pain and anger, like through the exhilirating and freeing practise of ecstatic dance.
I am continously inquiring and reflecting, feeling the subtle weight of all that felt stuck, softly and gradually lighten and shift,
And as a somatic embodiment instructor, I must state here that it’s ever so important to nurture ourselves by working through the layers of ourselves that feel stuck OR stagnant on specific events, memories, work, people and experiences. When we bury our dreams and emotions, they don’t just disappear – they hold power over us to potentially cause illness or disease within the body, and mind. The body will always remember, even If it seems like the mind cannot, almost as if it’s keeping the score and storing it within our cells.
Our bodies are always speaking to us.
At it’s core, all our bodies ever truly ask for is nourishment – not just in the form of food, but in rest, breath, movement, connection, and emotional care. The human body is an extraordinary, intelligent mechanism. It breathes for us, heals for us, and keeps us alive unconditionally and without our conscious effort.
Yet, when we fail to listen to its subtle signals, the whispers it sends become louder. Tension builds. Fatigue implodes. Symptoms emerge. Eventually, those gentle cues turn into urgent “screams” – which is the body’s way of insisting we pay attention.
In somatic work, we learn to listen earlier, and tune into those quiet sensations, subtle discomforts, and emotional undercurrents before they escalate and erupt. This is not only an act of self-care, but also of self-respect.
The works of Dr. Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk explore this mind–body relationship in depth.
- When the Body Says No (Maté) examines how stress and suppressed emotions can manifest as illness.
- The Body Keeps the Score (van der Kolk) reveals how trauma is stored in the body and how somatic approaches can support healing.
By understanding these connections, we begin to see our bodies not as machines to push through discomfort, but as wise messengers that always guiding us toward balance, health, and wholeness if we choose to listen.
Closing a Chapter. Opening a New Era.
And really, this piece of writing marks my surrender to fully move on from threads that keep me chained to past relaities.
And to really grant myself this refreshed freedom, I like to immerse myself in a process which sometimes involves rituals that help ground my intentions into form.
And along with the theme of detaching and releasing past attachments, and identities, I’ve been shedding many old scripts that no longer serve me. As part of this, I held a personal ritual: I burned most of my artwork from art therapy sessions and “soul contracts” in a fire. It was an intensely powerful, and liberating experience. The day was overwhelmed by a heatwave, yet as the flames rose, the sky shifted. Heavy grey clouds rolled in, and I felt the entire universe resonating with my intention to release.
I turned to my partner and said, “If it rained right now, it would be the completion of a perfect release.” And then… it rained. As if the universe listened to my wish to be cleansed of past attachments.
And lately, I’ve been singing more – letting my voice find new shapes and tones, weaving it together with the healing vibrations of Himalayan bowls, crystal bowls, gongs and more. This feels like a reunion with a part of myself I’ve had a complicated relationship with in my 20’s: music. I’ve taught abroad, collaborating with incredible souls such as Robin Landsong, and worked with people living with a wide range of experiences and conditions: autoimmune conditions, cancers, blindness, deafness, and neurodivergencies to name a few. I’ve offered sound healing in a hospice, shared my somatic practices in studios across Sussex, and recently published my first self-paced online course. (Check the resources page for Self Trust Guide: Somatic Yoga for Empowered Living).
Now, I’m learning to channel my sensitivities and emotions in ways that feel lighter for the soul – ways that can raise not just my own vibration, but also that of the collective.
Uploading these songs, and writing this, has been a cathartic exercise. It feels like my soul can finally step away from chapters that have been, retrieve the parts of me that were stuck there, and integrate the transformative lessons that were learnt into who I am becoming.
Thank you for being a part of my journey and to those strangers in Brighton who still approach me and say, “Ah, you’re that singer girl with the blue hair!” — thank you for reminding me that my voice is powerful, remembered, and worth using.
This time, I’ll be using it more intentionally — to raise awareness, elevate consciousness, and share high-frequency creations that nourish the collective.
With love,
Nazan ❤️
P.s. before you go…!
Away from my yoga mat, sound bowls, and many other creations and work, I’m venturing into new territory and am writing my first book! It’s a non-fiction blend of philosophy, self-help, and honest conversations about the hidden, often unspoken issues shaping our world.
I’d love to connect with fellow writers, creatives, and thinkers, whether to share advice, explore potential collaborations, or simply exchange ideas. Feel free to email me at nazanvisions@gmail.com if you’d like to chat, or if you’d like to follow my evolving journey through my occasional newsletter, please do ask to be on my mailing list.
If you’d like to walk with me on this new path, follow my pages: (Facebook, Instagram & Youtube) @nazanvisions